Right now, I am in serious trouble. My people have nominated me to run for the highest office in the land, the Presidency. This is not a mean task. It is a moral burden which has been placed upon me, and which I must accept as a challenge. I have no alternative. I have to bear the burden with every sense of responsibility. There will be no going back.
One major snag in this all important assignment, however, is that I do not have the money to pay for the party nomination form to enable me to contest for the party’s ticket – a whopping N55 million. I hear that this has now been reduced to N45 million, after some of us have protested. But still, this is too much for me. I cannot afford it.
To that effect, I am sincerely soliciting for support, appealing to some kind hearted Nigerians to come to my aid and assist me to pay for this all important nomination form. I hear that some good Nigerians had already paid the N45 million nomination form for our President since the man has no money to pay for it. This is very kind of them. Now that I am also in the same boat with our President, I equally need the same assistance to enable me pay for my own nomination form.
Do not ask me how I would repay all those who would assist me pay for the nomination form, or how much would be my annual salary and allowances as President, to compare with the N45 million nomination form.
Some people say that the total package for the President as set out by the Revenue Mobilization and Fiscal Commission, the body responsible for fixing salaries and allowances of public officers in Nigeria, for the for four years I will be in office, is nowhere near the N45 million party nomination form.
But this is not going to deter me. There are many ways to make up for this money in less than two weeks, once I am elected. It could be through some bogus contracts, various “gifts’, or through some other underhand businesses.
I hear there is something called Security Vote, which the President and the Governors receive every month. They say that it runs into hundreds of millions of naira. That this is not subject to any audit or accountability. In other words, the N45 million paid for party nomination form will simply be a chicken feed. And we are we fighting corruption!
Do you know that here in Nigeria, we have started running a philanthropic government, a charity government? The other day, I hear one former state governor say that he did not receive any salary for the four years he was in office. That’s fantastic.
You then begin to ask how had the man had been sustaining himself and his family all through those years he was in office? How did he recoup all the money he spent when he was campaigning for the office? I am prepared to take cue from the man.
It is my sincere belief that if I can afford the party nomination form, I will definitely win the election, and I will make a good President, and make a big difference in the lives of our people. I know that I am competent. I have the vision. I have the passion. I have the drive. I have the ability. I have the charisma.
I have already gone round the country to sell my candidature, and my programmes to the electorate. They are well accepted. The people are already rooting for me. They believe in my ability, and in my capability to deliver. They know that I will never disappoint them, that I will be fully in charge, and will not abdicate my duty, my responsibility, to that tiny group called the Cabal, which they allege, currently run the present administration.
I have laid out my action programme, which is fantastic, and which is capable of turning Nigeria around in less than six months. My number one programme will be fighting corruption. It will not be by mere lip serve, sloganeering, on pages of newspapers, radio and television, or used as vendetta, but leading by example, and rooting out all corrupt people in my cabinet.
There will be no hiding place, no looking back in fighting this canker worm. There will be no compromise, nor looking at anybody’s face. It is going to be operation wipe out corruption. Even if after looting the treasury, you decide to join my political party, I will not spare you. I will root you out and force you to disgorge the ill-gotten wealth.
The war against insurgency is going to be total. If necessary, I will shift my base, that is, the seat of government, to Sambisa Forest, to make sure that Boko Haram is completely wiped out. Not after telling us that Boko Haram has been “decimated”, “degraded”, etc., we still hear that the group is killing people, including soldiers, in Borno State and elsewhere.
As for the so-called Fulani herdsmen, that one is a small case. Their days are already numbered. By the time I use one or two to make examples, others will learn their lesson.
For our unemployed youths, I have good news for them. All I need will be their support. I will be placing them on N20,000 monthly allowance. I will not behave like those who promised them N5,000 every month and failed to deliver. Just trust me and help pay for my N45 million party nomination form, and Nigeria will be another heaven on earth.
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